


You Promised You'd Love Me in a Thousand Years, Right?

by Levi_is_MrBoombastic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attack on Titan Universe, Dead Marco Bott, M/M, POV Jean Kirstein, Past Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Small Manga Spoiler, Small mention of suicidal thoughts, Sort of Triggering, Titan Marco Bott
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi_is_MrBoombastic/pseuds/Levi_is_MrBoombastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before you left, you promised you'd love me even if we were different people. And I told you I would do the same. Even in a thousand years, even in a different world, I would love you. But what kind of fate thought it would be a great idea to let this happen? To allow you to be near me again, not as a human, but as a titan? </p>
<p>(Prompt: Jean runs into a titan that looks exactly like Marco, the man he loved.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Promised You'd Love Me in a Thousand Years, Right?

Looking around the forest, Jean felt uneasy. He had not heard a sound for miles, so he knew he needed to be worried. Normally he would be able to hear birds, rabbits, something besides the current silence. He had learned early on that silence only meant danger. The birds and animals would all hide away in their respected trees, burrows when the presences of a titan was detected. Ever since joining the survey corps, he had been outside the walls on expeditions, ending up in forests like the one he was currently lost in. And every single time he was in a forest, he would hear the small sounds of animals, up until a titan showed up. This had made him extra aware about his surroundings, knowing if he let his guard, he would certainly be titan lunch.

As he looked around the forest floor, Jean remembered the time he had gone to woods similar to these with his mother. It had only been once, when he was living in Trost, that he and his mother had gone out into one of the forests surrounding the city. It was one of the only nice memories he cherished from his years of living with his family. It was not that he did not love them, the exact opposite actually. His mother was the world to him. One of the only people he loved more than himself. He just felt so tied up and trapped at his home in Trost. His mother had been so overbearing, and his father had wanted him to become a merchant like his older brother. He could not live his life while being watched over so much.

So he joined the military. Just like that. When he informed his mother of the news the day before he left for training, she had cried, her tears sending Jean over the edge. He did not want his mother to cry. She did not deserve to shed the tears over something he had done. He just had to get out. He left that night, hoping his mother would understand. He knew she would not, she almost never did, but still, he hoped she would be proud of him for doing something bigger than himself. For once, he had chosen something to do that would help him progress in his future, something he had never done before.

That night, laying near the river’s water, Jean cried like he had never cried before. Not because he was alone now, but because he was finally able to live the life he wanted, even if it was just going to be a sheltered life in the military police. When he had met up with the other trainees the next day, he realized just how much his life was going to change. He was so naive. He had thought if he just left home, joined the military, he would be able to breeze right through the training. Hell if he was not wrong. He had even almost given up on his goal a few times because of the excruciating training he and the others had to go through.

But there were three things that stopped him from leaving. First, he wanted to go back to his mother after getting into the Military Police, to show her that he was no longer a child, and that she did not have to worry over him. Secondly, he just really wanted to shove it in Eren’s face that he was not just all talk. He and Eren had often gotten in fights, Jean bashing on Eren’s determination, and Eren insulting Jean’s abilities. He was tired of everyone saying he was not good enough. Saying he could not do something because he was not strong enough, mature enough, or capable enough.

Thinking back, Jean remembered his biggest reason he had continued training. Those large brown orbs that looked like a doe’s. Those cute freckles that littered beautifully tanned skin. The heart warming smile that always caused Jean to blush lightly. But mostly, Jean remembered the man he would have died for. The man that gave him hope for the future when he felt there was no use in continuing. The man he had fallen for while at a disgusting military camp. Marco Bott.

Jean’s eyes remained on the ground when he thought of the tan man. He hated it. He could not go one day without being reminded of Marco. Could not go one day without crying over the man he loved, the man he was not able to save. Yes, he had known it was not his fault. That he had been across the city of Trost when the man he cherished the most in the world was ripped so harshly from his grasp. For fucks sake, he was not even able to say goodbye. He was not even able to know how the man he loved died. Granted, he would probably be even more traumatized if he had seen Marco’s limp, dead body being bitten in half by a titan, but at least he would have known. At least someone would have known. He hated that no one had been there for Marco, that no one had been there to at least try and save the freckled man.

Jean had begun to lean on one of the trees in the forest. He was suppose to be trying to find his squad, but the unbearable feeling of grief stopped him from moving any further. He could already feel the sting of his eyes as he looked up towards the tree tops. Unfortunately, his 3DMG had broken after his last encounter with a titan. He could not help but feel cursed, that, because of what happened to Marco, he was destined to have horrible luck when it came to the titans. And he was okay with it. He truly thought he deserved the pain and misfortune.

He knew Marco would scold him for his guilt, but he could not help it. He had loved Marco so much, and when the tan man had passed, his only thoughts were that it was his fault. He had been on the verge of taking his own life many times after seeing Marco’s body. The body that he had held onto, had kissed, had embraced. The body that had been mutilated and torn in half be some god for saken titan. But he could not get himself to sink the sword into his skin. Not because he did not want to, but because he knew Marco would be disappointed if he did. So he lived on, not for himself, because if Jean was honest, he would admit that the man he used to be was gone, killed when he had realized the man he loved was dead. He lived on for Marco, lived the life that Marco wanted. Even his decision to join the Survey Corps was influenced by Marco. He had known the brown eyed man had wanted to fight for a great cause.

Jean lifted his hand towards his cheek, already knowing what was causing the streams on his face. The image of Marco’s frowning face passed his mind. His brown eyes being full of confusion and concern. His thin eyebrows coming together as his lips were tugged downward. If Jean closed his eyes long enough, he could imagine the man’s lips moving to form words. Words he would never be able to hear again. He could imagine Marco saying things like, “Jean? Why are you crying? I’m right here. Don’t cry,” or, “Jean, I love you, you know? I wouldn’t change one thing about you. Even if we were born one thousand years from now and were different people, I would still love you.”

Jean could feel himself beginning to cry harder. He knew that if he opened his eyes, there would only be a blurred image in front of him. So he kept his eyes closed. Kept them closed because it was the only place he could see Marco again. The only place he could see the smile that warmed his heart. But things always have a negative side to them. His mind, where he could always see Marco’s smiling face, was also the place where the permanent image of Marco’s dead body laid. His body was shaking now, each tear that fell caused his body to quake even more than the last. He wanted it to be over. He just wanted everything to be over. What was the point of living in this hellish world if he could not have the one thing that allowed this life to be bearable. It was unfair. So goddamn unfair that Jean wished a titan would come up right then and grab his body and tear him in half. He felt like he probably would not even fight it off, even if he had his 3DMG.

He slid down the tree trunk and drew his knees to his stomach. His whole body was numb and heavy, he could not even feel the pain of his fingernails digging into his palms from how tightly he was clutching his fists. _Goddamn it. Why the hell couldn’t I have been there? I could have saved him. He could be alive right now if I had just been there. What the hell was I even doing, letting Marco out of my sight. If I had just been there! We could be together right now. We could be smiling at each other. We could be telling each other how much we love each other. I could be hearing his voice. Seeing his face. GODDAMN IT! Why the fuck did this have to happen?! He was innocent! He was fucking freckled Jesus. The nicest, sweetest, kind hearted person to ever live within the walls. And now he’s dead. Dead because of those damn monsters. They don’t deserve to exist. They deserve to be sent back to the fucking hell they came from. Dare I say it. Eren’s right. They need to be disposed of. And I’m going to help kill every single one of them._

Jean’s tears still had not stopped, but his expression was not one of sadness anymore. His eyes were dark and hard, no signs of the spark that Marco used to say he loved. The scowl on his face rivaled even that of Humanity’s Strongest. He was going to help clean up this world, to get rid of the monsters that had taken away the one man that he had ever loved. He stood up from his place on the ground. As he began to move forward, his attention was drawn to something from his left.

How he had not heard the large stomping before, Jean did not know. But it was close, so close Jean could see it’s silhouette through the forest. “Damn it,” was all Jean could say before he started running. He had no chance against the titan, even if it was only a five meter class. He turned to the left so that he was running down a sort of path. He turned to look back and make sure the titan was not following him, but as he did, the titan moved into a clearing directly in front of Jean. He stopped. Jean’s eyes were wide in a mixture of fear and shock.

He hated the sight in front of him. It disgusted him so much. One of the creatures he had come to hate so much was right in front of him, but instead of feeling like killing the monster, he wanted to die. It was a titan, a rather small one at that. But where it’s face was, where a monster’s face was supposed to be, he saw Marco. The goddamn titan in front of him looked like Marco. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to kill the thing in front of him. He wanted to shove his blades so far into its neck that it would never even be able to move its arms before it died.

But he could not. He could not bring himself to harm something that looked like the tan male he so desperately wanted to be with. It’s face had the same structure as Marco’s, down to the strong jaw and round nose. It’s cheeks were just like Marco’s, too. It had those cute freckles Jean had stayed up occasionally counting after Marco had fallen asleep. To the sides of the titan’s lips, there were holes that helped see the inside of the titan’s cheeks, showing it’s teeth. They were straight and white, just like Marco’s teeth. Even the monster’s hair was the same as Marco’s, jet black with an undercut and middle part. The only differences were the four holes to the titan’s mouth, the skin openings above the eyebrows, a small place on the nose where skin was absent to show the muscle underneath, and the inhuman deepness around the eyes.

The thing that killed Jean the most was that the titan’s eyes were the same deep, warm brown as Marco’s, though they looked to be filled with sadness. Jean shook his head. Titans do not have emotions, and their expressions surely cannot reflected emotions, so why did Jean feel his heart break while looking at the ‘sad’ titan. Jean’s thoughts were buzzing as the titan leaned down onto one knee. It did not look exactly hostile, so Jean did not move from where he stood 20 feet away. It looked around itself, looking for something with those sad eyes.

Jean did not know what he expected when he looked to his left after hearing something rustle in the trees. He thought maybe another titan had come, but instead he saw a small bird fly towards the titan. Jean sighed in relief that it was not another titan, but was sad because he knew the titan would grab at the bird as it flew passed. Jean looked on with hurt eyes as the titan lifted it’s hand in front of itself. He was sure the titan was going to hurt the bird, something the kind hearted Marco would never do, but instead it just stood there, hand lifted feet away from its face. The bird that flew near the titan landed lightly on the titan’s hand. The titan looked on as the bird jumped from finger to the next, leaning down to lay its beak on the titan’s skin, not exactly pecking. The titan did not move as the bird continued to explore its hand, only moving its lips a bit.

Jean was sure that titans would normally go for the kill, but why was this titan just standing there, staring at the bird? As he heard more sounds coming from the left, Jean could only watch as five more birds came up to the titan and flew around its hand. A few other birds had come from another part of the forest to land on the titan’s exposed neck. Jean could not think of a logical reason as for why the titan was not going after the birds.

After a second, a thought crossed Jean’s mind. He had remembered a time when he and Marco had been outside the training camp, looking at the sky. They were on break and had decided to spend time together before going back to training. He was on the verge of sleeping when he heard Marco call out his name. “Jean,” the freckled man whispered, trying to get the shorter man’s attention. As Jean opened his eyes, he could only smile. The love of his life was sitting there, legs crossed, with a small bird on the palm of his hand eating some leftover bread from lunch. Thinking back to the peaceful time, Jean could not help but think how similar the two moments were. Granted, one was with the most amazing man in the world and the other was with a man eating monster, but still.

Jean was going to move a little closer, trying to get a better look at the titan, when he tripped on a tree root. He fell to the ground loudly, softly cursing as he felt the pain spread across his leg. He quickly looked up when he heard a lot of wings flapping and birds chirping. The noise he had made had carried in the silent forest, alerting the birds and titan of his presence. “Fuck!” Jean said as he quickly jumped up from the ground and began to run. It was hard, as he had hurt his ankle when he fell, but he still went on. He could hear the loud stomping coming from behind him. It was close, extremely close. It was so close that he could feel the ground quake from beneath his feet from the powerful stomps. As he ran to the end of the path, Jean stopped. He had no where else to run. The path he was on had lead him to the small cliff, not large enough to kill him, but he would probably break his leg if he jumped.

Turning around, Jean was about to run back, but was instead stopped by a pair of giant lean legs. He fell to the ground roughly, closing his eyes as he was sure he was going to get eaten by a titan that looked like his lover. After a few moments of not getting lifted off the ground and chewed on, Jean opened his eyes. The titan was once again on one knee, but this time was looking at Jean with those sad eyes. The titan’s eyes seem to shine a bit, something he had often seen Marco’s eyes do, the most memorable time being when Jean had said he loved Marco for the first time. The titan did not move, just like with the birds, but instead opted to staring at Jean. They just stared at each other for a few moments, neither moving.

Jean did not know what to do. If he moved, he was dead. If he stayed where he was, he was definitely dead. How was he supposed to get away from the titan in front of him without dying? The titan began to move closer to Jean and he flinched. Well, there goes the me escaping plan. The titan stopped three feet away from Jean and began to move it’s mouth. If Jean did not know better, he would have thought it was trying to form words. Closing his eyes, Jean began to accept the fact that he was about to die. Accept the fact that the titan in front of him was about to open it’s mouth and swallow him whole. _Ah, what better way to die then by the man you love’s titan twin. Such poetic justice._

He waited for a few more moments without anything happening. He was beginning to wonder whether his lover’s titan counterpart was a little stupid. But then he heard it. It was low and choppy, but he could have sworn the titan had just spoke. And not only was it just some word, it was his name. Jean’s eyes shot open as he heard it again. It was a bit monstrous and breathy, but he was sure the word “Jean” came out of the titan’s mouth. He did not know what to say. He had no idea what was going on. Not only did this titan look and act like Marco, but it also knew his name. He knew about the powers Eren and Annie had, but he had seen Marco’s dead body. There was no way the man he loved was a shifter, so how the hell was this happening? Did fate think this was some funny joke, to torture a man like this?

He had begun to cry once more, not exactly knowing the reason for his tears this time. He felt a small ping in his chest that he recognized as hope. Hope that perhaps the man he loved was not dead after all. That he had been a shifter the whole time, and the body he had seen was not Marco’s after the recovery of Trost. That maybe the life they had been living before the fall of Trost could once again be their normal.

Jean began to get up. He wanted to check and see if perhaps his thought were true. That Marco was still alive. He took a step forward, the titan looming over him with those same deep eyes. It took a moment, but Jean was able to gain back his voice. It was rough and a bit raspy from crying, but it was still there. He looked into the titan’s eyes, lips quivering as he said the name of the one man he had ever loved. “Marco?” there was silence after the word left his lips. He did not dare breathe, in fear that the titan would realize his was a living human, a delicious meal. It continued to stare at the ash blond man, the only indication that it had heard what was said was the way it nodded its head in affirmation.

Jean could have died in that moment. The titan was Marco. His Marco was no longer dead, but in front of him in titan form. He had no idea what to do. Was the raven haired man a shifter? Or perhaps the theory that titans were created from humans was actually true. Jean did not know. What he did know, though, was that the man he loved was only a foot away. “Marco. It really is you.” All he could do was cry. He put his head in his hands and sobbed. He could hear the titan make a displeased noise from in front of him. His body was shaking uncontrollably, tears falling into his hands and traveling down his arms.

He felt something large on his head. It was not uncomfortable per say, but it made Jean shrink back lightly. The large hand patting his head in an attempt in comforting the man drew back slightly, uncertain as to whether it was welcomed or not. Jean looked up at the titan with his tear stained face. Its face was soft, different from how it was before. Normally, titans were not able to use the muscles within the face, meaning different expressions were impossible. But somehow, the titan in front of Jean was able to make an expression he had only ever seen on Marco. The way the eyes were soft and calming. The way its lips tugged upward gently. It was the only smile Jean had even know that could cause his heart to skip a beat. And here he was, seeing that beautiful smile he was so sure he would never see again. It made his heart warm, and yet break at the same time.

“Mon cœur. Why are you a titan? Were you a shifter this whole time?” He waited for an answer, but only saw as the titan looked away, something Jean knew the doe eyed man used to do when he felt guilty. “No, Marco, I am not angry. You have your reasons. But it’s true, right? That is you? You’re alive?” He looked desperately at the titan. He was still crying as he searched for an answer from the titan. He got none. The titan continued to look away. Jean was afraid of this. He was afraid the man he loved had been turned into a titan, but not as a shifter. “Marco. No. This has got to be some cruel joke. Right?” Jean moved his hands to grab at the titan’s right hand. It looked to him with those deep, sad eyes. It’s eyes told Jean everything he needed to know. The man he loved was indeed gone, instead living as a titan. It was horrible. What type of reunion was this? Allowing two lovers to meet once again after one’s death, but never to be able to leave as they once did? It was a cruel, twisted fate.

“I aam so-rry.” It was amazing how such a short, choppy sentence could cause Jean to break down. It was so common for Marco to take the blame and apologize. He wanted to touch the man he loved, even if the man had been turned into a titan. He had mixed feelings about how this was going to turn out for the two of them, but he did not care enough. All he cared about now was that Marco was in front of him. Even if Marco did not have his old body, he was still there.

He looked towards the titan’s brown eyes, a small, sad smile on his face. “Marco, please, let me touch you. I’ve missed you. Truly. I thought you were gone. That I’d never see you again. Let me touch you so I know that you’re not truly gone. That I’m not just dreaming this.” Jean looked as if he was about to break down even more, but before he started crying more, he felt a large, firm hand around his torso. He let his body become limp against the hand. The titan placed Jean on its shoulder, looking at him from its peripheral vision.

Jean placed a hand on the titan’s cheek, like he had done a hundred times before to Marco. It leaned in towards his touch, just as Marco had always done. Jean leaned forward and placed his forehead against the titan’s cheek. “Marco. You said before you’d always love me, even if it was one thousand years from now. And I told you I’d do the same. And I am. Even though you’re within a titan’s body, even though I can not touch you as I did before, I still love you. It doesn’t matter that your body’s different, you’re still my Marco. My heart. Mon cœur.” Jean had once again began to cry, this time the tears falling silently, his voice only slightly quivering. “I don’t care that you’re a titan. You’re here. You’re real. The man I love is in front of me, and that’s all that matters. Even if you become the world’s enemy, I will always love you. So please, I beg you, don’t leave me again,” Jean’s arms held onto the titan’s cheeks. He could feel himself shaking, knowing the titan could feel it too. The large, hot hand placed on his back soothed Jean from his emotional state. His crying had calmed down, and so had his shaking. He could feel the titan’s jaws moving, like it was about to say something, but he never heard the titan’s words.

Jean jumped up from his bed with his blankets strewed haphazardly around him. His was sweating excessively and panting harshly, his breaths coming out unevenly. His light brown eyes darting around the dark room, trying to recognize where he was. As he began to calm down, Jean realized he had had another one of those dreams. Dreams filled with soft, brown eyes, death, and heartbreak. They always left him breathless and panicking. But no matter how much the dreams affected him, he could never remember the dreams. He could only remember the man most of the dreams contained. The man that made his heart soar and fall when he thought about him after waking up.

Everything made Jean’s head hurt. He wanted to remember the man, but something made him think it would hurt him more than the headaches he got. Perhaps one day he would remember, but as presently he needed to get ready for his first day of college. Getting off his bed, Jean looked out his window, seeing the August sun shining across the park he lived near. He could see a man sitting at a bench, black hair swaying in the wind. He felt like he had seen the man somewhere before, but he would have to figure it out later. He felt as if the day would be a good one, and only wished his feelings were right.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was all caused by my friend suggesting me and a few others to write a one-shot based off a Titan!Marco prompt. And this was the result. I'm actually quite proud, though I feel kind of mean cutting it off where I did. Should I actually make something of this little one-shot~? I kind of left it open in the end so that I could make a series out of it, but I'll need to finish my current series before starting a new one. Eh, who knows~!


End file.
